a big victory for lawyers everywhere

To say that the United States is a haven for moronic litigation is so cliché that I'm embarrassed I started my blog post like this. But I just read in the Daily Trojan (USC's primo attempt at journalism) about one lawsuit that is particularly close to my heart.

For those who aren't familiar with the fascinating politics of the West Adams neighborhood, USC has, for the past 100 years, been slowly eating away at the original neighborhood like a fungus. Any traces of non-University-related businesses or residences are rapidly disappearing, leaving an amorphous mass of Victorian structures right next new apartments built out of cheap plaster and hope.

One company (appropriately named "Conquest") has established itself as the official slumlord of USC, owning and "operating" over a dozen buildings in the area. Conquest is the devil. Their prices are ridiculous, their maintenance is laughable, and they admittedly take advantage of students who are just learning the process of leasing an apartment.

In the past few years, though, they have been winding down a particularly evil path. See, USC admits it has a housing problem. As they make the transition from a commuter school to an international college destination, they've been struggling finding the space to house their students. They can't build dorms fast enough. Recently, the school developed a plan to build a structure called the "University Gateway", which would be a mixed-use building on the corner of Jefferson and Fig that would contain retail space and housing for 1,600 students.

Conquest smelled a threat to it's diabolical monopoly, and did the only thing it could: sue. They sued the school for wanting to house students in buildings that weren't owned by Conquest. Seems ridiculous, but Conquest managed to throw enough bureaucratic hurdles in the permitting process to delay the project for two years. But USC had a plan: they sued Conquest for suing them. Hilarity ensued.

Today the DT announced that a settlement had been reached: both lawsuits were dropped on the condition that Conquest and USC aren't allowed to sue each other any more. Matthew Burton, a leader of the project, called the verdict "a big victory."

Excuse me? A big victory? If spending hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees and ending up right back where you started is a big victory, then I clearly have been setting my sights too high. They went to court to fight for the right to not go to court anymore.

I love America!

lowbrow

I want to know when collages made from cut-outs of porn magazines found on the street became considered high art.

Can someone explain to me why that deserves more respect than Armageddon?

actually, i feel fine

Happy Depressmas, everybody!

Go ahead, have yourself a nice long cry.

medic!

Monday morning was the first day of a brand new semester. I woke up with a stomach ache.

Tuesday was the second day of a brand new semester. I woke up with a stomach ache again.

Wednesday was the third day. No stomach ache. It instead showed up at about 2 pm, worse than ever.

Thursday I decided to go to the doctor. I had no symptoms aside from constant pain, and it was to the point where I was pretty sure I'd ruptured something important, and it was slowly leaking in to my abdomen, which would soon cause my midsection to inflate like a water balloon until my skin couldn't contain the mess.

Turns out I was wrong. Blood work came back completely clean, which lead to the diagnosis of, "Well, it looks like you're body's just having a lot of trouble digesting something. Make sure you drink a lot of water and try to eat a lot of oatmeal."

Isn't it embarrassing when you go to the doctor and it turns out you're just a pussy?

outed

Apparently, one or two people read this thing after all.

ocean of light

For all its artifice, the sodium-vapor glow of the Los Angeles basin that can be seen from a plane is really quite breathtaking.

My apartment welcomed me home last night by promptly dropping a glass light fixture from the ceiling as I attempted to turn on a light. It shattered on the ground. I'm also out of toilet paper.

Hollywood, I'm back!

but seriously

It's now a little more than a week in to the new year, and it turns out my list of resolutions may have been a wee bit optimistic. To save face, I've scaled it back a bit:

1. Floss. Every day, starting Thursday.
2. Some form of anaerobic exercise every day, starting Thursday.
3. Write at least one page a day, starting Thursday.
4. Netflix at least one new movie a week (and actually watch them). Starting Thursday.

As you may have noticed, none of these resolutions actually start until January 10th. Why? Well, I'm still in Seattle. But by Wednesday night, I'm going to be back in Los Angeles, and my life will be returning to its regularly scheduled program of working lots and sleeping little.

And honestly, it's about damn time. This cushy living up here in Seattle is getting tiresome. No work, no obligations. Just a lot of sleeping until noon and vegging in front of the TV. I'm turning into a slack-jawed, brainless lump.

Let's get some shit done, aiight?

resolved

1. I will maintain a healthier lifestyle
a. Exercising regularly
b. Eating more, and more healthily
c. Getting a reasonable amount of sleep at least 4 nights a week

2. I will be more responsible with my time
a. Not getting sucked in to the internet and/or television
b. Scheduling my life, fastidiously, because I obviously cannot rely on my memory

3. I will participate in activities that help foster creativity and imagination
a. Write (something) every day
b. Take pictures. Lots of pictures.

4. I will finish the things I start
a. Minimize distractions when starting a task
b. Make cur