a big victory for lawyers everywhere

To say that the United States is a haven for moronic litigation is so cliché that I'm embarrassed I started my blog post like this. But I just read in the Daily Trojan (USC's primo attempt at journalism) about one lawsuit that is particularly close to my heart.

For those who aren't familiar with the fascinating politics of the West Adams neighborhood, USC has, for the past 100 years, been slowly eating away at the original neighborhood like a fungus. Any traces of non-University-related businesses or residences are rapidly disappearing, leaving an amorphous mass of Victorian structures right next new apartments built out of cheap plaster and hope.

One company (appropriately named "Conquest") has established itself as the official slumlord of USC, owning and "operating" over a dozen buildings in the area. Conquest is the devil. Their prices are ridiculous, their maintenance is laughable, and they admittedly take advantage of students who are just learning the process of leasing an apartment.

In the past few years, though, they have been winding down a particularly evil path. See, USC admits it has a housing problem. As they make the transition from a commuter school to an international college destination, they've been struggling finding the space to house their students. They can't build dorms fast enough. Recently, the school developed a plan to build a structure called the "University Gateway", which would be a mixed-use building on the corner of Jefferson and Fig that would contain retail space and housing for 1,600 students.

Conquest smelled a threat to it's diabolical monopoly, and did the only thing it could: sue. They sued the school for wanting to house students in buildings that weren't owned by Conquest. Seems ridiculous, but Conquest managed to throw enough bureaucratic hurdles in the permitting process to delay the project for two years. But USC had a plan: they sued Conquest for suing them. Hilarity ensued.

Today the DT announced that a settlement had been reached: both lawsuits were dropped on the condition that Conquest and USC aren't allowed to sue each other any more. Matthew Burton, a leader of the project, called the verdict "a big victory."

Excuse me? A big victory? If spending hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees and ending up right back where you started is a big victory, then I clearly have been setting my sights too high. They went to court to fight for the right to not go to court anymore.

I love America!